What is Self-Love?
I mean, we hear this all the time. I’d see people all over the internet telling me to do it more.
Yet, could anyone really tell me what self-love really was or how to find it?
I had all these questions flood to me when I first looked into it 5 years ago.
I was never taught self-love.
I never saw it around me growing up.
The people around me didn’t look like they had any.
So, why was it so important for me to learn self-love?
“I never knew until a year ago, how feeling loved actually had the greatest potential to determine my destiny.”
Did you know that as humans, we have two big reasons for doing anything.
One is to gain love from others or to prevent from losing it and the other is to feel worthy enough.
This is what my mentor, Tony Robbins, shared with a room full of thousands of people during one of his live events.
This really resonated with me!
I soon realised that a lot of my actions such as my shyness, social anxiety, fear of rejection, and most of my behaviours boiled down to the intense desire to gain love from others or avoid losing it.
Why is Self-Love so important?
Self-Love, I believe is so important.
With the true belief that you are loved unconditionally, this gives you the strength, confidence and crazy determined power to go after everything you’ve ever wanted.
It gives you the confidence that even if you “fail” or “lose”, you will always have love.
This is how, at times, when two people who have the same dream, generally only one person goes after it.
The other one is too fearful – too fearful they will lose love.
Test my theory out and let me know what you think. I don’t have all the answers. I only want to share with you what I think.
My goal would be for you to go through a deep journey of Self-Love discovery. I would love for you to gain a clear understanding of what Self-Love means to you, how to find it, how to practice it, and how to condition yourself everyday to feel this loved, daily.
I would love for you to have actionable steps, so you can start practicing Self-Love, today!
“My belief is that if you feel loved,
then you can do and achieve anything you want to!”
This is why I am so passionate about your Self-Love journey.
I want to help you feel loved because even though I don’t know you personally yet, I know that you wouldn’t be here, reading this, if you weren’t an amazingly incredible human-being that loves deep, loves authentically and loves hard.
Love – All you need is love!
The Beatles got it right in my opinion. All we need is love.
But, what kind of love is it that we need?
Let’s start with the only one we can control. Self-Love.
What does Self-Love really mean to you?
Please let me know in the comments below.
Self-Love, to me, means showing appreciation, absolute, sincere and unconditional love and gratitude for myself.
It means forgiving myself for not being “perfect”, it means treating myself with kindness, showing love through gestures, speaking words of beauty and appreciation out-loud, writing notes, taking myself somewhere I adore, spoiling myself or even spending money on myself – getting myself anything I want with the knowledge that it will nourish my soul.
It means doing things that make me truly happy, on the deepest level.
Doing things I both need and desire.
What Self-Hate means to me.
Lack of Self-Love, to me means – speaking poorly to or about myself, shaming myself, condemning or putting myself down, picking on the way I look or act, criticising every little thing I don’t do perfectly, not acting or sounding a certain way, blaming myself for everything that goes wrong, punishing myself, saying no to things I really want and desire, disregarding my needs and wants and ignoring myself.
It’s always putting others first or letting others treat me badly.
It’s showing anger and frustration towards who I am.
It’s believing I am not enough and finding ways to prove to myself, that no one cares or loves me.
Unfortunately, over the years I have become an expert on how to treat myself badly.
It has cost me potential friendships, business opportunities, my dreams, a flourishing relationship, and even unleashing my truest potential.
I have literally hidden (protected) my truest self from myself and from others, merely to avoid rejection.
Have you done the same?
It’s pretty scary, right?
What has lack of Self-Love cost you in your life? Really think about it for a minute.
My prediction is that it has cost you a lot, and that is why you’re here to learn more about Self-Love and how to achieve it for yourself.
My personal story for why, I myself, can struggle with Self-Love, begins with some shitty beliefs I created and developed when I was younger.
I was picked on, manipulated, left out, and bullied.
During the time I was dealing with this – I blamed myself for it ALL.
It was my fault for the awful treatment I was receiving.
I sincerely believed it was because I was ugly, stupid and not a good person. Let me share this with you, this belief has controlled my entire destiny…until now.
If you haven’t met me personally, my best friend would tell you that I am a nice, sweet, kind, considerate, passionate person. They will tell you I love fiercely, care unconditionally, and am an overall optimistic, happy-go-lucky kind of woman.
I believe it is who I had to become to feel loved and accepted by others.
What is Self-Love?
We have now gone over what Self-Love means to me, personally, now let’s look into the definition of Self-Love from other experts.
Tiny Buddha says – Self-Love is choosing ourselves, being honest and telling what is true for us, giving our body nurture and respect, wearing clothes that makes us feel good etc. you can read more about it here.
Bravebell.com says – Self-Love is one of those concepts that you just get. You don’t logically understand it. You feel it. She also states that true Self-Love is an unconditional feeling of love, appreciation, and acceptance for yourself. You can read more about it here.
It’s really great to see how we all take different beliefs from what Self-Love means and it might also be very different for you too.
I would honour you, if you would be able to take the time now to delve deep and have a really good think about what Self-Love means for you.
Close your eyes, take a deep breathe in, and just be there, allow that question to go through your mind and listen carefully to your unbiased answer.
Please share, if your like, in the comments below.
I would love to hear about your experience.
How to find Self-Love?
To find Self-Love is to envision that you already own it.
Self-love is already within you. It’s just quietly waiting for you to unleash it.
To access Self-Love is to simply decide that you’re going to love yourself. Make a decision, a seriously conscious one, that you are incredibly deeply loved and adored, by you. Really focus on how that new decision feels to you.
Do you feel elevated, happy, empowered, strong? Yeah, me too!
Focus on that daily, and soon you will feel it within you, with ease.
Techniques I use to unleash self-love is through the practice of yoga, meditation, journalling, spending time on my own while doing things I love.
Another powerful method to unleash self-love is through incantations.
Practice repeating empowering sentences/statements over and over again, out loud or to yourself, while you’re in a peak state.
This could be while you’re in the shower, straight after your alarm goes off and you’re laying in bed, while you’re going for a morning run/walk, writing in your journal or while enjoying a warm drink.
Repetition during a peak emotional state while moving your body, is really important, and comes with it, incredible benefits.
An example of a Self-Love incantation may be:
“I love others and others love me”
Repeat this over and over again until you really feel those words in your body and soul. Say it with intensity, using your entire body to express that emotion.
Another way to discover Self-Love is through questions. Morning Questions.
Ask yourself questions first thing in the morning.
You may still be laying in bed or saying it while you’re showering or when you’re out for your morning walk, or even in the beginning of your meditation.
Ask specific questions that prompt the feeling of love.
Who in my life do I love right now?
Is there anyone that I didn’t notice?
Who loves me right now that I didn’t notice?
What about myself could I love even more right now?
What about myself could I feel proud about right now?
What about myself could I feel totally grateful for today?
What about myself do I appreciate most right now?
What could I do to show myself love and appreciation?
What about myself do I really love the most?
Ask these questions every morning and I know you will truly begin to feel the deep love and connection with yourself the way you have always craved.
Another way to express Self-Love is every time you look into a mirror or walk past a reflection, think of a nice thought about yourself.
An example could be:
“You look smoking hot today!”
“I am so grateful to have a body that works hard for me”
“My hair looks sexy and gorgeous!”
“Have I said today how much I appreciate and love you?”
“You look amazing in those jeans!”
“You’re an amazing friend and loving person. I am so proud of you.”
“You did an incredible job today. I am so proud of you. Well done.”
“I really liked how you did that for your friend the other day. You really know how to show someone how much you appreciate them.”
“Anybody would be so lucky to have you as a friend/spouse/family member.”
“I am so proud of how determined you have been with your healthy eating and exercise. It’s really paying off!”
“Have I told you how beautiful you are?”
“You are important”
“You ARE good enough, and you are worthy of all the love and happiness this world has instore for you”
“You are loved!”
Choose words that carefully resonate with you to help you feel connected.
I have chosen words that I use and have meaning to me.
What are some things you could say to yourself the next time you see your reflection?
You deserve to work through this now, you will soon see just how much your mindset will change, for the better!
Take a moment to write down a list of the amazing things you could say to yourself to feel connected with Self-Love?
Ways to practice Self-Love
Give love to others
Go shopping and get what you really want
Get your hair and nails done
Get a massage
Go out with friends – be free and have some fun
Do something that you normally wouldn’t do
Do something good for someone else without expecting anything in return
Spend time alone, doing what you love
Get dressed up – for yourself
Wear makeup and feel sexy
Make yourself a home cooked meal
Book a table at that restaurant you’ve always wanted to try and take a loved one with you
Buy that outfit you’ve been eyeing off
Keep a journal and write down your thoughts
Go on that holiday of your dreams
Say no to event that you don’t feel well enough to attend.
Say yes to things you really want to do, despite fear!
Put yourself first
Eat foods that nourish and heal your body
Workout to feel confidence and vitality
Take a rest day to unwind and relax
Be kind to yourself and don’t allow negative thoughts to linger
Remove stressful people from your life.
Remove overly stressful situations from your life
Organise and clean your house or room
Self- Love Tips
Below are some tips, tricks and advice to help you connect with your Self-Love.
Self-Love isn’t a science, it’s an art.
Learn how you receive love and do that more often.
I recommend the book The 5 Love Languages to learn more about this. It’s extremely relevant.
Never doubt your worthiness of love, someone thought you were worthy enough to be alive.
The more love you give to others the more love you receive back.
You can’t receive love without first loving yourself first.
The more you love yourself, the more love you have to give to others.
Love is the most powerful emotion in the world. Use Self-Love to motivate you to achieve.
Forgiveness, kindness, and feeling proud are other forms of love.
Showing love to yourself is the most unselfish action you can do.
Listen to your heart by putting your hand on your heart and connecting with its energy.
Ask your heart a question and listen to its reply.
Meditation may help with your practice of Self-Love because it will aid in replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
It’s not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, for every little thing.
Removing negative energy from your life is a form of Self-Love.
Self-Love is growing yourself daily. Do something to help yourself grow.
Create a routine that makes you feel loved by you – it might be lighting a candle, laying in clean sheets with a warm herbal tea and good book.
Self-Love is choosing foods that will nourish and heal your body.
Self-Love is saying no to others that are pressuring you to say yes.
Self-Love is not judging yourself.
Self-Love is allowing yourself to be the person you really want to be.
Self-Love is feeling proud of the person you are.
Self-Love is seeing things how they truly are. Not worse than they are or better.
Self-Love is being a nice person and treating others with love, kindness and respect.
Self-Love is doing a selfless act of kindness that is only serving to others.
Self-Love is smiling to strangers and to yourself.
Self-Love is warm bubble bath.
By reading this I hope you’ve got everything you wanted and needed from it. I wrote this truly thinking about how I would best be able to serve you!
My soul honours your soul. Thank you for being here.
P.S My belief is that life is happening for us and that means we have all been put together to learn Self-Love so that we can share and teach it with others and help them through their own journey.
Do you agree?
I ask that as you learn and implement, go out and teach it to someone you might know who could do with learning this info.
We’re all put on this earth to serve each other.
Lots of Love,
Maria House x